On the Internet we can do everything.From commenting on our favorite series to book our vacation.Or find love.Really? The couple search apps proliferate, and we have all heard about experiences lived through them.But, finding our soulmate is not very simple, we know.Are these tools really useful for finding love? Do they give reliable results? Today we wanted to talk to users of this type of tools and bring their first-hand experience .Here is everything they have told us.
The good and the bad
Ok, we decided to step forward and find a partner, contacts or a "loqueur" via the Internet.But what app do we choose? There are many different applications and not all of them seem to serve the same objectives. The protagonists of our article have tried some different ones.We have, for example, Raquel, Jordi, Javier or JoseAngel, who decided to try with Tinder, one of the most famous apps, that last year announced that it had more than a million premium subscribers, but also Robert C.who opted for the Gaydar app, A Belen, who chose Meetic . AAlex and Jaume, who decided to try Bender, Chelo, who joined Badoo, or Robert H, who has tried different options like OKCupid.
As we say, the options are many and the experiences as a very different user.For Jaume , for example, the result of having used it is really good: «The experience is positive because thanks to the application I met my partner «.A sensation that also transmits Belen :« The truth is that registering for Meetic was for me a very enriching experience, including the mere fact of giving myself the opportunity to live experiences and anecdotes of all kinds .So many, as people I met thanks to the application.But, above all, because thanks to this application I could know who I turned out to be the father of my children and with whom I have formed a family ".Another of our respondents who achieved very good results was JoseAngel :" In ni case everything is positive, the first person I talk to is the one who is now my girl, we have been two years and now we start av ivir together. »
I think the Tinder really like people who get bored and want attention, but they don't really want to stay
Although not everyone can talk about a pleasant experience.It is the case of Jordi , who explains: « I could not say that it is a successful experience, although that I think is more problem mine that of the application. I am very selective and that greatly reduces the chances of connecting with people .If I had an appointment and I also had interesting conversations, but they have not passed a pleasant meeting, they have not even It gave rise to a friendship.But I insist, I think it is not a problem of the app.I know many people who worked for them, either to flirt or to find a partner «.For Robert H The experience with Tinder is also not rewarding: «H has been very bad.People almost don't put personal details, just what everyone puts in.When there is a match, they almost never answer.I've had some chats , but never an encounter.I think the Tinder really likes people who get bored and want attention, but in reality dad don't want to stay «.
We have also asked our users what they think is the most positive of these tools.Second Raquel , « the freedom that it gives you, in the sense of not being committed to speaking or meet someone if you really don't want to ".For Belen:" My overall rating is very positive.We're talking about the year 2009, in which for many of us Meetic and apps in general were still a bit unknown...I remember that my phone was not yet "smartphone!" Suddenly, we were given the opportunity to meet a lot of people without leaving home...Establish conversations at any time...even to have a drink if we felt like it ...personally it was an entrance of fresh and exciting air into my life ».
A negative aspect is the loss of time due to the addiction it creates and to invest it with people who really do not involve you any interest
But there is also a B side, of course.On the most negative of these apps, we have the opinion of Robert C .« A negative aspect is the loss of time for addiction which he creates to a greater or lesser degree and for investing so much time with people that really do not involve you any interest .Communicating in front of a screen and, therefore, with anonymity, often generates aggressive communication , rude and intolerant ".For Raquel, the most negative lies in" that can be cold and even violent, it may seem like a supermarket or catalog purchase .People obviously, the photos in which it looks better, and sometimes, not only came out "favored" is that live and live, they do not seem even the same person.I have even found someone who was not really the same person, generating what I consider to be an authentic dwarf and even usurpation ».For his part, Chelo explains that lonegative was «the disappointment of seeing that people, after having been talking with you for weeks, disappeared without more».
That usability
Another aspect that we are most interested in knowing is whether these apps are easy or not to use .Well, many times, there are people interested in becoming users who may encounter difficulties by not mastering the tools tecnologicas.En general, our users consider that these applications do have a form of use accessible to all. "I have seen how people with a very limited digital competence have managed to dominate applications in a relatively short time and without many problems ", explains Robert C.
But, yes, many of the interviewees have suggestions on what they would like to improve these apps.For example, Javier tells us: « The data consumption is brutal, I would like them to be more discreet ".Alex would love to have the option of" uploading videos or audios ".Robert H.would give Tinder a couple of laps : " I would put more structure on the profiles.Now Tinder simply gives a text field of 500 characters.That is not enough.Many people do not put information, so in the end the question is only: is it good or not? "
It's a "match" or, better, let it be
When we start using an app, one of the first things we ask ourselves is “will it be useful?” That is one of the questions we wanted to find out with our interviewees.Are you really practicing these tools? Javier is very clear: " According to what you are looking for.Every app has its public.I would not look for love in Badoo or a roll of one night in eDarling ".
I think that if you know how to use them, they are a solution for isolation, lack of self-confidence, and even for boredom
" Yes, they are going very well to meet people that you might never know outside the virtual world ", says Alex.Belen delves into other aspects: " I think if you know how to use them they are a solution for isolation, lack of self-confidence, and even for boredom .The human being is social and the app gives you the opportunity to be «.On the other hand, JoseAngel He says: " I think it's very good for the obvious, that is to meet people.But also for people who lack some security to talk to people ".For his part, Chelo explains : « I think that even if they didn't help me find love, if I made friends and was entertained and excited, I would recommend it, if, the more doors you call, the better.Besides, it helps you to identify people liar and stupid, then it's easier to avoid them. »
This is a topic that interests users, who have been asked if they would advise its use or not.We found different positions.Jordi considers: « I think are useful for people who do not have time or possibility or ease to do it through other channels .I would not recommend it but would not advise them.They can be another channel to relate, although in my case not the main one "Robert H.is very clear if he would recommend it to his friends:" Yes, I would recommend it.But not for romantic things.I think they are very useful to find people who have a hobby in common, to have conversations with interesting people that one would never have met in their usual environment ».
All this leads us to another reflection.Can these apps vary people's habits? That is, if it is easier to relate through these channels, do we stop being interested in meeting people in offline mode? Robert C.says: « In my case, I consider it much more interesting to be able to get to know a person on a day-to-day basis and through physical contact, work, friends, travel, discos...not to limit yourself Simply to contacts of a profile, no matter how careful it may be, it will never be possible to transmit all the information and sensations as can be done by having a coffee with that person «.
Raquel shares a similar opinion: « I have never stopped meeting people in other ways, nor will I consider that love is not mathematical, nor purely visual, and that these apps cannot under any circumstances replace the direct treatment between people, although they can offer a different way to meet new people and start that deal «.Alex's comment goes in a very similar line:« I continued dating partying at night and meeting people in a traditional way.One thing does not take away the other ".And Robert H.is very clear also:" Now I am more convinced that you have to search offline.online people are freaked out, the "search-atencion.It's cynical, but I think that people who are online, most are those who have not been able to attract someone offline or are too demanding.Even online they won't find anyone because they can never be satisfied with someone «.
On the other hand, Belen's experience was very different: « Yes, at the time I stopped doing it but because the situation in which I found myself was that of the whole world with their lives already directed, with couples, with children...Anyway, I really had no other choice.Unless I went to a disco alone, which I never considered.That, not to mention that is a thousand times more fruitful and fun than the pure chance of a disco ...The possibilities of meeting people in your same situation and of fun multiply by hundreds.In a couple of hours you can have read and started conversation with about 10 people with better or worse results depending on what you are looking for...But in a disco you will be lucky if you find one...that fits you and not always «.
Urban legends
An "urban legend" that plans on this type of tools is the one that tells us that many users point to them in search of a physical and sporadic contact instead of what their real objective is supposed to be: meet someone to start a relationship with.Is that true? What do our users think? In Jordi's words: «I think that, in general, we are not entirely honest with our desires and expectations, causing enough frustrations and misunderstandings .And that works in both directions.I explain: people that states that he wants to find love when he is only looking for sex.But also people who say that he is only looking for fun without compromise, but that he is really looking for something more serious and stable.And I do not think that both positions are as decompensated as it seems a priori ».
Most people are more interested in sex, but it doesn't have to be contradictory to look for love and be able to practice sex with someone you find in an app
According to her experience, Raquel explains: « I think that users in general are more interested in a purely physical relationship, at least because of my experience, the most usual, except for exceptions, is that they consider it a way fast and that requires little effort, to get immediate satisfaction.They may even get offended if they don't achieve their goal.For my part, I think we should be a little less pretentious, and not assume that a "like" equals a "you have me at your disposal ".In" non-virtual "life when you meet someone and you like each other, congenies, do not immediately assume that you are best friends or something else, you have to give time to time «In this sense, Jaume's assessment is:« I would say that most people are more interested in sex, but does not have to be contradictory to seek love and be able to practice sex with someone who you find in an app .While you are not dating, you also have sexual needs and if two profiles meet and want to have sex with each other, why not do it if it is a free and shared decision? »
Another one of those myths is the one that refers to social networks in general.When we start using them, they seem wonderful and every five minutes we are consulting our wall, the likes or the comments we have.But, over time, Many times that enthusiasm deflates.Does the same thing happen with these apps? Robert C.tells us: " Goes for periods.When I have not been in an app for a while, I suddenly feel a certain motivation to do it.But I would not say that I feel" tired "of using them ".Javier is much more pragmatic with his answer: « If you don't see results, go «.Chelo, somehow, shares this point of view: « This is precisely what happens. People are not serious or know what they really want.In the end you deflate ".Jaume, on the other hand, explains:" I guess it's a matter of expectations.It is only one more means of looking for a partner.And if it is not found, maybe it is not the fault of the app, but because the person was not prepared «.
lies a lot in these apps, some for insecurity, others for chuleria and others invent an alternative personality because they feel free to do it
The third preconceived idea that we want to discuss with subscribers is the widespread belief that people lie a lot about their life and their profile.Is it true? Raquel has it very clear: « I think she lies a lot in these apps.Some for insecurity, others for chuleria, and others invent an alternative personality because they feel free to do so.And many others, they probably only have fear of rejection, although I think that not showing you as you are, increases the chances of that rejection ".Chalo shares that point of view:" My conclusion is that if , which lies a lot.But more than in appearance or personality, it lies in intentions.And so I left the apps and websites.Because it was a waste of time.People seemed to be about to kill time.But they weren't serious.If they said they were looking for a friendship, then they didn't answer the messages because you didn't attract them.If they were looking for sex and you threw yourself, then they just wanted to talk and go shopping (as is).themselves and, therefore, with all others «.
Jordi gives us some clues to avoid being fooled: « My theory is that, if you are intuitive, you can avoid most liars. If you analyze the photos, degrees of posture, coherence between what is said and what is shown (for example, 'I am more of enjoying the day than the night' and all the photos are of discos , cubata in the hand and more cooked than the Grecas on New Year's Eve or write: 'have' where I start: I love reading...') Anyway, I think that more than lying shamelessly, reality is hidden or masked (photos very studied to hide physical complexes, exaggerate your qualities in your profile, take pictures with motorcycles or yachts that are not yours or children that are not, etc.) because, if you are minimally intelligent, you know that the lie is caught at the speed of light.And if it is very fat, it will create distrust and rejection ».
After all
From the online world to offline.Because if we sign up for these apps, it's because we want to meet people, but beyond a virtual relationship, We want these people to form our lives, in every way.How does this important and fundamental transition in the search for love take place? Alex explains that "He may have virtually established a relationship with 30 or 40 people.And in person, only with 10 «.What led him to take that step was« The curiosity to meet them in person «.
For his part, Jaume explains: " Virtually, I've met many people.But in person, a few. I needed to be interested to stay.That he believed there was some possibility of something else «.And that jump is taking place, it seems logical, when the other person shows up as someone who could be positive in our lives.So Belen explains: « What led me to meet them in person is that I saw that they fit me in what I was looking for in each moment: the physical, the sense of humor, what I appreciated from them...what I appreciated that they saw in me...In short, it was when I It seemed interesting and I felt like it «.
Well, that, as in life itself.
Image | Pixabay
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